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Aforismid
- He who laughs, lasts.--Mary
Pettibone Poole, writer, in A Glass Eye at a Keyhole, 1938
- I am thankful for laughter,
except when milk comes out of my nose.--Woody Allen (1935-- ), U.S.
film-maker
- If you are not allowed to laugh
in heaven, I don't want to go there.--Martin Luther (1483--1546)
- Laughter is a tranquilizer
with no side effects.--Arnold H. Glasow
LAW
- A countryman between two lawyers
is like a fish between two cats.--Benjamin Franklin (1706--1790), Poor Richard
(February 1737)
- A jury consists of twelve persons
chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.--Robert Frost (1874-1963), U.S.
poet
- Apologists for the profession
contend that lawyers are as honest as other men, but that is not very encouraging.--Ferdinand
Lundberg (1902-1995), U.S. writer
- During the mid-1980's dairy
farmers decided there was too much cheap milk at the supermarket. So the government
bought and slaughtered 1.6 million dairy cows. How come the government never
does anything like this with lawyers?--P. J. O'Rourke (1947--)
- God works wonders now and then;
Behold a lawyer an honest man.--Benjamin Franklin (1706--1790), Poor Richard
(December 1733)
- He is no lawyer who cannot
take sides.--Charles Lamb (1775-1834), poet
- I think we may class the lawyer
in the natural history of monsters.--John Keats (1795--1821), English poet
- I always figured that being
a good robber was like being a good lawyer.--Willie Sutton, (1901--1980),
U.S.
bank-robber
- If half the lawyers would become
plumbers, two of man's biggest problems would be solved.--Felton Davis, Jr.:
"Reflections on the Lake," published
in The Gainesville Times (GA)
- If it weren't for the lawyers
we wouldn't need them.--William Jennings Bryan (1860--1925), U.S.
politician
- Laws are like sausages. It
is better not to see them being made.--Otto von Bismarck (1815--1898), German
Chancellor
- Lawyers and insurance agents
deserve one another.--Craig Vetter
- Lawyers are jackals.--Erasmus
(1465--1536)
- Lawyers spend a great deal
of their time shoveling smoke.--Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
- Lawyers, I suppose, were children
once.--Charles Lamb (1775-1834)
- Lawyers: persons who write
a 10,000 word document and call it a brief.--Franz Kafka (1884--1924)
- Most lawyers are swine. And
not even nice swine.--Charles McCabe
- The first thing we do, let's
kill all the lawyers.--William Shakespeare (1564--1616), Henry VI Part II,
1597/8
- The laws I love; the lawyers
I suspect.--Charles Churchill (1731--1764)
- The only difference between
a dead skunk lying in the road and a dead lawyer lying in the road is that
there are skid marks around the skunk.--Patrick Murray
- The people can change Congress
but only God can change the Supreme Court.--George W. Norris
- We have a criminal jury system
which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by
the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and
can't read.--Mark Twain (1835-1910), Sketches Old and New, 1875
- When you go into court you
are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough
to get out of jury duty.--Norm Crosby, U.S. comedian
- When you have no basis for
an argument, abuse the plaintiff.--Marcus Tullius Cicero (160-43 B.C.)
- Where there's a will, there's
a lawsuit.--Addison Mizner (1872-1933), U.S. resort architect
- Woe unto ye also, ye lawyers!
for ye lade men with burdens grievous to be borne, and ye touch not the burdens
with one of your fingers.--Luke 11:46
LAZINESS
- Bodily exercise profiteth little.--1
Timothy 4:8
- Half a loaf is better than
no free time at all.--J.D. Ward
- He slept beneath the moon/He
basked beneath the sun;/He lived a life of going-to-do,/And died with nothing
done.--James Albery's epitaph for himself (1838-1889)
- How beautiful it is to do nothing,
and then to rest afterward.--Spanish proverb
- It is impossible to enjoy idling
thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do.--Jerome K. Jerome (1859--1927),
Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
- If you can spend a perfectly
useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.--Lin
Yutang (1895--1976), Chinese-American writer
- I am happiest when I am idle.
I could live for months without performing any kind of labor, and at the expiration
of that time I should feel fresh and vigorous enough to go right on in the
same way for numerous more months.--Artemus Ward (1834--1867), Natural History,
Chapter Three
- It is better to have loafed
and lost than never to have loafed at all.--James Thurber (1894--1961), U.S.
humorist
- Never do anything standing
that you can do sitting, or anything sitting that you can do lying down.--Chinese
proverb
- Whenever I feel the urge to
exercise coming on, I lie down until it passes over.--attributed to Robert
Maynard Hutchins (1899--1977 ), U.S. educator
LEARNING AND ITS DRAWBACKS
- Education is a wonderful thing.
If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.--Rita Mae Brown (1944--),
U.S.
novelist
- For the past eleven years,
American students have scored lower on standardized tests than European students,
Japanese students and certain species of elk.--Dave Barry, Bad Habits, 1982
- He is either dead or teaching
school.--Zenobius (117--138), Greek sophist
- Hard students are commonly
troubled by gowts, catarrhes, rheums, cachexia, bradypepsia, bad eyes, stone,
and collick, crudities, oppilations, vertigo, winds, consumptions, and all
such diseases as come by over much sitting; they are for the most part lean,
dry, ill-colored; spend their fortunes, lose their wits, and many times their
lives; and all through immoderate pains and extraordinary studies.--Robert
Burton, Anatomy of Melancholy, 1621
- For every person wishing to
teach there are thirty not wanting to be taught.--W.C. Sellar and R.J. Yeatman,
1066 And All That
- If you think education is expensive--try
ignorance.--Derek Bok, president of Harvard University
- In the first place, God made
idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.--Mark Twain (1835-1910),
Following the Equator, 1897
- It is tiresome to hear education
discussed, tiresome to educate, and tiresome to be educated.--William Lamb,
2nd Viscount Melbourne (1779--1848), English Prime Minister
- It is when the gods hate a
man with uncommon abhorrence that they drive him into the profession of a
schoolmaster.-Seneca ,"Epistolae ad Lucilium," 64 AD
- Much knowledge is a curse.--Chuang-Tzu
(369--286 B.C.) Chinese Taoist philosopher
- It's easier to graduate than
to learn.--Robert Half
- Of making many books there
is no end; and much study is a weariness of the flesh.---Ecclesiastes 12:12
(ca. 200 B.C.)
- Thou hast most traitorously
corrupted the youth of the realm in erecting a grammar school.--William Shakespeare
, King Henry VI, pt. 2, act 4, sc. 7
- Try not to have a good time...this
is supposed to be educational.--Charles Schulz, "Peanuts" comic
strip
- You know how to tell if the
teacher is hung over?? Movie Day.--Jay Mohr (1970--), U.S. comedian/actor
LIFE
- All men's lives are fairy tales
written by the fingers of God.--Hans Christian Anderson (1805--1875), Danish
author
- Any idiot can face a crisis--it's
this day-to-day living that wears you out.--Anton Chekhov (1860--1904), Russian
physician/author
- Be careful how you interpret
the world; it is like that.--Erich
Heller U.S.
literary critic
- I wept when I was born and
every day explains why.--Spanish proverb
- If I had to live my life again,
I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.--Tallulah Bankhead (1900--1968),
U.S.
actress
- In the fight between you and
the world, back the world.--Franz Kafka (1884--1924), novelist
- In three words I can sum up
everything I've learned about life. It goes on.--Robert Frost (1874-1963),
U.S.
poet
- In times like these, it helps
to recall that there have always been times like these.--Paul Harvey, (1918--),
U.S.
radio commentator
- It is not certain that everything
is uncertain.--Blaise Pascal (1623--1662), Pensees, 1670
- It may be that the race is
not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong--but that's the way
to bet--Damon Runyon 1884--1946), U.S. short story writer/humorist
- It's a grand life, if you don't
tire.--Gaelic proverb
- Life does not begin at conception,
but when the kids leave home and the dog dies.--Russ James rjames@thegrid.net
- Life is anything that dies
when you stomp on it. --Dave Barry,
U.S. humorist
- Lif is too short.--Bart Gold
(1970--)
- Life is a concentration camp.
You're stuck here and there's no way out and you can only rage impotently
against your persecutors.--Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. comedian/film-maker
- Life is a dead-end street.--H.
L. Mencken (1880--1956), U.S. journalist
- Life is a dream--but don't
wake me.--Yiddish
proverb
- Life is a great big canvas;
throw all the paint on it you can.--Danny Kaye (1913-1987), U.S. actor
- Life is a hospital in which
every patient is possessed by the desire to change his bed.--Pierre Charles
Baudelaire (1821-1867), French poet
- Life is a quarantine for paradise.--Karl
Julius Weber (1767-1832), German writer
- Life is a rollercoaster. Try
to eat a light lunch.--David A. Schmaltz, U.S. writer
- Life is a sexually-transmitted
disease.--Guy Bellamy, U.S. author
- Life is a zoo in a jungle.--Peter
De Vries, (1910--), U.S. writer
- Life is anything that dies
when you stomp on it. By this definition, the amoeba, the mango, the frog,
the squirrel, the bear, the begonia, and many lawyers are forms of Life.--Dave
Barry, Bad Habits, 1982
- Life is better than death,
I believe, if only because it is less boring, and because it has fresh peaches
in it.--Alice Walker (1944--), U.S. author
- Life is divided into the horrible
and the miserable.--Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
- Life is full of misery, loneliness,
and suffering--and it's all over much too soon.--Woody Allen (1935--), U.S.
comedian
- Life is just one damned thing
after another.--Elbert Hubbard (1856--1915), U.S. editor/publisher, in Philistine,
1909
- Life is like a B-grade movie.
You don't want to leave in the middle, but you don't want to see it again.--Ted
Turner, (1938--), U.S. billionaire
- Life is like a dog-sled team.
If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.--Lewis Grizzard, (1947--1994),
U.S.
humorist
- Life is like a scrambled egg.--Don
Marquis (1878--1937), "Frustration"
- Life is like a ten-speed bike.
Most of us have gears we never use.--Charles M. Schulz (1922--), U.S. cartoonist
- Life is like an onion: you
peel off layer after layer and then you find there is nothing in it.--James
Gibbons Huneker (1860�1921),U.S. musician, critic
- Life is not a spectacle or
a feast; it is a predicament.--George Santayana (1863--1952), Articles and
Essays
- Life is not so bad if you have
plenty of luck, a good physique and not too much imagination.--Christopher
Isherwood (1904--1986), English playwright
- Life is one long process of
getting tired.--Samuel Butler, 1912
- Life is something that everyone
should try at least once.--Henry J. Tillman
- Life is something to do when
you can't get to sleeep.--Fran Lebowitz (1950--), U.S. writer
- Life is too short to be small.--Benjamin
Disraeli (1804--1881), British Prime Minister
- Life is too short to do anything
for one's self that one can pay others to do for one.--W. Somerset Maugham
(1874-1965), British novelist
- Life's a tough proposition,
and the first hundred years are the hardest.--Wilson Mizner (1876--1933),
U.S. dramatist/wit
- Life can be divided into the
horrible and the miserable.--Woody Allen (1935--), Annie Hall
- Literature is mostly about
having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.--David
Lodge, The British Museum is Falling Down, 1965
- Living is like licking honey
off a thorn.--Louis Adamic (1899-1951), U.S. novelist/journalist
- My life has a superb cast but
I can't figure out the plot.--Ashley Brilliant (1933--), U.S. writer
- My theory is to enjoy life,
but the practice is against it.--Charles Lamb (1775-1834), English poet, in
1822
- Not a shred of evidence exists
in favor of the idea that life is serious.--Brendan Gill (1914--1997), U.S.
U.S. writer
- Reality is a collective hunch.--Mel
Seesholtz, Penn State U. professor
- Search for meaning, eat, sleep.
Search for meaning, eat, sleep. Die, search for meaning, search for meaning,
search for meaning.--Doug Horton, SF author
- Strange as it may seem, my
life is based on a true story.--Ashley Brilliant, (1933--), U.S. writer
- The meaning of life is that
it stops.--Franz Kafka (1884--1924), novelist
- The things that I can't have
I want,/And what I have seems second-rate,/The things I want to do I can't,/And
what I have to do I hate.--Don Marquis (1878--1937), U.S. humorist
- The times are not so bad as
they seem; they couldn't be.--Jay Franklin (1897--)
- The whole world is a scab.
The point is to pick it constructively.--Peter Beard (1938--), U.S. photographer
- The world's a stage and most
of us are desperately unrehearsed.--Sean O'Casey (1880--1964), Irish playwright
- There are two tragedies in
life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.--George
Bernard Shaw (1856--1950), Man and Superman, 1903
- There is no cure for birth
and death save to enjoy the interval.--George Santayana (1863--1952), Soliloquies
in England
- Things aren't as bad as they
seem. They are worse.--Bill Press, U.S. columnist
- To dream is happiness; to wake
is life.--Victor Hugo (1802--1885), French novelist
- While we are postponing, life
speeds by.--Seneca (3 BC--65 AD), Roman playwright
LITERATURE
- Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling
a family problem too soon after college.--Tom Masson (1866--1934), writer
- Literature is mostly about
having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around.--David
Dodge (1910-1974), U.S. mystery writer
- Never judge a book by its meeting.--J.W.
Eagan
- Our American professors like
their literature clean and cold and pure and very dead.--Sinclair Lewis (1885--1951),
U.S.
novelist
- To mankind in general, Macbeth
and Lady Macbeth stand out as the supreme type of all that a host and hostess
should not be.--Max Beerbohm (1872-1956), English writer
LOSING
- It's the poor loser who finally
loses out.--Kin Hubbard (1868--1930), U.S. humorist
LOVE
- A lot of people wonder how
you know if you're really in love. Just ask yourself this one question: "Would
I mind being destroyed financially by this person?"--Ronnie Shakes, "Famous
Womanisms," U.S. comedian
- Infatuation is when you think
he's as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph
Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Conners. Love is
when you realize that he's as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Conners,
as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger, and nothing like
Robert Redford--but you'll take him anyway.--Judith Viorst (1931--), U.S.
poet
- It is better to have loved
a small man than never to have loved a tall.--Mary Jo Crowley, Comedy Writing
Secrets by Melvin Helitzer
- Love conquers all except poverty
and toothache.--Mae West (1892--1980), U.S. actress
- Love is a grave mental disease.--Plato
(428-347 B.C.), Greek philosopher
- Love is a perky elf dancing
a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine
gun.--Matt Groening, (1954--), U.S. cartoonist
- Love is a snowmobile racing
across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath.
At night, the ice weasels come.--Matt Groening, "Love is Hell"
- Love is an exploding cigar
we willingly smoke--Lynda Barry (1956--), U.S. cartoonist
- Love is being stupid together.--Paul
Valery (1871--1945), French poet/essayist
- Love is just a chemical reaction.
But it's fun trying to find the formula.--J.D. Shantel, professor of chemistry
- Love is like the measles. The
older you get it, the worse the attack.--Mary Roberts Rinehart, (1876--1958),
U.S.
mystery writer
- Love is much nicer to be in
than an automobile accident, a tight girdle, a higher tax bracket, or a holding
pattern over Philadelphia.--Judith Viorst in Redbook magazine
- Love is not the dying moan
of a distant violin--it's the triumphant twang of a bedspring.--S. J. Perelman,
(--1979), U.S.
screenwriter
- Love is the ame as like except
you feel sexier.--Judith Viorst, (1931--), U.S. poet
- Never assume that the guy understands
that you and he have a relationship.--Dave Barry, U.S. humorist
- Sex alleviates tension. Love
causes it.--Woody Allen (1935--), U.S. film-maker
- Stay me with flagons, comfort
me with apples: for I am sick of love.--The Song of Solomon, 2:5, circa 200
B.C.
- True love comes quietly, without
banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.--Erich
Segal (1937--), U.S. writer
- True love is like seeing ghosts:
we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.--Louis La Rochefoucauld
(1777--1815)
- Two things only a man cannot
hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love.--Antiphanes (c.388-c.311 BC),
Greek playwright
- We had a lot in common. I loved
him and he loved him.--Shelley Winters, (1920--), US movie actress
- You can't buy love, but you
can pay heavily for it.--Henny Youngman, (1906--1998), U.S. comedian
LUCK
- Depend on the rabbit's foot
if you will, but remember it didn't work for the rabbit.--R. E. Shay
- I feel like a fugitive from
the law of averages.-~William H. Mauldin (1921--), U.S. cartoonist
- I figure you have the same
chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.--Fran Lebowitz (1950--),
U.S.
writer
- If a man who cannot count finds
a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?-~Stanislaw J. Lec
- It is bad luck to be superstitious.--Andrew
W. Mathis
- So unlucky that he runs into
accidents which started out to happen to somebody else.--Don Marquis (1878--1937),
"Archy Says"
- The only sure thing about luck
is that it will change.--Wilson Mizner (1876--1933), U.S.
wit
- We must believe in luck. For
how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?--Jean Cocteau
(1889-1963), French author
- You need a strong stomach to
digest luck.--Russian proverb
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