I'm not very good at writing at all but I felt like typing out my thoughts on what happened throughout the year.

2020 was for better or for worse probably the most eventful in my short short life, on the first 3 days had my visa petition denied and just a few days later someone from my family had passed away , shouldve really taken that as a sign of all the shit that'd end up coming up later.

Loss in general was a pretty common thing, either just more deaths in the family (as someone who really hasn't had a lot of experience with death those were pretty big hits) or loss of friends due to just losing contact with one another or due to xyz circumstances, it sucks but what can you really do about it, you live and you learn.

On the bright side all the deaths made me a bit paranoid and pushed me to make the potentially reckless choice of dropping out of college, I was just 1 year away from graduating but it made me feel miserable, whenever I have strong feelings towards something I feel like vomiting (even if it's a good feeling like excitement lol), going to school made me feel so miserable I felt like puking everyday I had to go or to attend the online calls. I felt like it was also just in the way of my journey as a freelance, like most schools it's a complete joke, I'd just go sit down and work on commissions during classes because I just didn't have to put the effort to get good grades.

I kept thinking to myself "man it'd suck to die before i graduate and not have been able to do all the stuff I wanted to just because of school". If everything backfires school will always there with open arms to take my money anyways, but freelance opportunities are fleeting and I'd rather take the risk, I wanna pursue the things that make me happy

Covid wasn't really a negative for me, I had already done a sort of self imposed year of just self isolation so it didn't affect me as much as others did. I wish it still wasn't a thing regardless, one of the passings was from my direct family, so having to be stuck indoors made trying to distract my mind from it tougher than just going out and getting lost walking around. It was sort of a blessing and a curse, because quarantine gave me no other real choice than to just do work to keep my mind off of whatever was going on with life

And to say something positive for once I guess it was a very productive year, I don't know if I improved my skills a lot, but I think I can safely say I'm way more confident in my work, either just being able to say that yeah I did a good job or just feeling confident that I can tackle whatever people wanna throw my way.

Whenever I try to think of what good stuff happened this year I always just think "lol i made a comic and got some cool stupid expensive chinese toys i wanted", which is kinda shallow maybe but it did have an impact. I usually say that I don't like people who just go around saying "oh i wanna make a comic and whatnot", and always felt hypocritical about it since well, I was the same, with plans for doing so but never committing due to time or whatever.

It feels nice to finally be able to say yeah I made something, and the reaction of people surprised me a lot, I know people care about my work since well you guys make it clear through the comments, but whenever I draw my own characters I do so mainly for myself first and foremost, it's a very bizarre but extremely good feeling to still receive messages of people asking when I'm continuing the story or if I plan to make more comics at all even half a year after the short story I wrote was done. It somehow feels like proof that these characters don't just live in my head anymore, people like them and want to see more of em and it makes me extremely happy, drawing that comic and the reception it got is probably the highlight of the year for me.

I think that's all about I have to say for this retrospective, after the comic it was going back to grinding commission work so not a whole lot of interesting things happened afterwards. If you're still reading this I appreciate you taking the time to doing so and I hope it wasn't too much of a ramble lol, I just wanted to vomit out my thoughts so some stuff probably sounds weird or maybe I came off as extremely negative but who cares

Here's hoping the next year is better for everyone, wishing you guys the best and I hope you're able to meet your goals!

Thank you all for the support in here, I don't reply to comments that much because I don't wanna endldessly spam "thank u : )", but I definitely want you guys to know that I read and appreciate all of em, comment notifications are the only thing I have enabled in here, they really make me happy to read through!

as a bonus heres my favorite pieces from each month, would love to hear which drawings of mine stood out to you this year if any!